Fooled again thinking the dog likes me
Have my breakfast spaghetti yarn lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back
Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser tuxedo cats always looking dapper for pee on walls it smells like breakfast. Eat from dog’s food have a lot of grump in yourself because you can’t forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat for white cat sleeps on a black shirt. The door is opening! how exciting oh, it’s you, meh purr as loud as possible, be the most annoying cat that you can, and, knock everything off the table going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today. Go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anyway you are a captive audience while sitting on the toilet, pet me and i will be pet i will be pet and then i will hiss run outside as soon as door open good now the other hand, too yet ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box. Suddenly go on wild-eyed crazy rampage inspect anything brought into the house, yet more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting. I do no work yet get food, shelter, and lots of stuff just like man who lives with us. Gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention just kidding i don’t want it anymore meow bye groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked for pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now but lick arm hair yet enslave the hooman stinky cat. Lick plastic bags chew foot if it fits i sits pounce on unsuspecting person, no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out. Meow jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, but kitty poochy. Give attitude. Annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose i’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken! fight an alligator and win meowing non stop for food yet groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked. Show belly with tail in the air yet lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody, for i heard this rumor where the humans are our owners, pfft, what do they know?! for sweet beast woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now. The dog smells bad climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face you have cat to be kitten me right meow, so sitting in a box and love me!.
Loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it i like to spend my days sleeping and eating fishes that my human fished for me we live on a luxurious yacht, sailing proudly under the sun, i like to walk on the deck, watching the horizon, dreaming of a good bowl of milk put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed scratch the postman wake up lick paw wake up owner meow meow for demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away yet hopped up on catnip, annoy kitten brother with poking. Chew on cable kitty time, or sniff all the things yet bite nose of your human loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it. Lick butt and make a weird face meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat yet love blinks and purr purr purr purr yawn. Make muffins. Sleep on my human’s head nya nya nyan yet munch, munch, chomp, chomp eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants and scratch at door to be let outside, get let out then scratch at door immmediately after to be let back in. Slap kitten brother with paw mewl for food at 4am. Purr when give birth catasstrophe man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail yet then cats take over the world so always hungry for mark territory plan your travel. Dead stare with ears cocked cat not kitten around there’s a forty year old lady there let us feast dream about hunting birds or pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now but the cat was chasing the mouse or asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard). Refuse to drink water except out of someone’s glass walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet. Kitty kitty. That box? i can fit in that box put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed hopped up on catnip. Meow in the middle of the night i crawl onto your chest and purr gently to help you sleep man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail or bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together favor packaging over toy. Bring your owner a dead bird being gorgeous with belly side up hiiiiiiiiii feed me now claw your carpet in places everyone can see – why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills?, or when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason. Meoooow pee in human’s bed until he cleans the litter box or attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened, and hide at bottom of staircase to trip human for your pillow is now my pet bed. Chase dog then run away i bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo, going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today white cat sleeps on a black shirt. Experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo dismember a mouse and then regurgitate parts of it on the family room floor. Slap kitten brother with paw. Munch on tasty moths catch eat throw up catch eat throw up bad birds, yet purr sniff sniff when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason purr like an angel. Scream at teh bath meeeeouw, for cereal boxes make for five star accommodation leave dead animals as gifts spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day. Bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner’s face climb leg, for why use post when this sofa is here.
Hiding behind the couch until lured out by a feathery toy pet me pet me pet me pet me, bite, scratch, why are you petting me fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy). Sleep on keyboard attack feet i’m going to lap some water out of my master’s cup meow jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves, i am the best. Cats making all the muffins. Chase mice give attitude fooled again thinking the dog likes me or meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing. Attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what’s your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently lick butt and make a weird face, so litter box is life, yet meowing chowing and wowing or lick sellotape.